It’s been about two years since I last wrote a blog and about three years since the start of my awakening journey. So much has happened in these last two years; my world has been torn apart and rebuilt so many times it almost seems redundant to call it an awakening.
And now here I am, once again at precipice…..once again being asked to step through the doorway into another reality.
I stopped writing and sharing my story two years ago. I woke up one day and nothing came out; fingers on the keyboard that refused to move, streams in my mind that refused to form words. Amongst the backdrop of fears and insecurities; lack of self-worth and a bone to pick with God (which I’ll write about another time), I remembered a past life.
It was a life where I saw a dark and dirty prison. I was a counsellor of some sort- or maybe I just visited the prison and offered any kind of support that I could. These prisoners were classified as mentally ill, though in hindsight I can see that they were riddled with entities and attachments so deeply imbedded that you wouldn’t even recognise the soul underneath. I know not of what I said to them or how I coached them. What I do remember is the outcome. The death and suicide that resulted from my ‘words’.
As unbearable guilt created an etheric vise on my jaw that carried forward into this lifetime; my heart screamed in agony and terror with the wish of never having that kind of responsibility or death on my hands again
But in the grips of this emotion a wise mentor and friend asked me; “what’s wrong with death?”.
Amidst my many experiences over the last couple of years I recalled a particular soul journey to a place I refer to as “home”. A place where our souls reside and where we go to when this chapter of our physical lives ends. A place so beautiful and bright and oh so loving that I can’t even recall the memory of it without bursting into tears. And it was then that I knew…….nothing is wrong with death.
As I allowed that feeling to sink in I was able to step back and ask myself “what is the bigger picture? What is the lesson?”. What emerged for me is the new understanding that I hadn’t caused their deaths. I had set their minds free so that they could decide what they wanted to do with their lives. I gave them back their free will, their sovereignty and their power to choose.
I also learned that I have to be willing to step forward and do things that my friends, my family and my current environment won’t always understand. That In order to create a new world, I have to bravely step forward and BE the new world.
And so, with conviction and an open heart…I walk this path.